10 Axioms for Effective Listening
When is the last time someone really listened to?
When is the last time you really listened to someone else?
Listening is the oxygen of relationships. Without it we fail to connect and end up missing opportunities to support others when they need us the most.
Today, I give you some reminders to spur on your listening. If you are the one who needs to be heard, my hope is that you will find an empathetic witness who will truly listen.
10 Axioms to Support Effective Listening
An axiom is defined as: “a principle accepted as true because it is self-evident or particularly useful.”
These principles are self-evident but we need reminding since talking can get in the way. Read these and put them into practice today.
1. If you are talking, you are not listening
You ain't learnin' nothin' when you're talkin'. — Framed motto on the office wall of Senator Lyndon Johnson
2. Listening while forming your reply is not listening
Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. ― Stephen R. Covey
3. Listening includes spending time understanding where the other person is coming from
The earliest Jesuit missionaries made it a point to enter new locations and not speak for approximately xix months. Instead, they listened. They saw the importance of understanding where people were before attempting to educate them.
4. Listening is part of a suite of skills that help to turn lives around
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. ― Leo Buscaglia
5. Empathetic listening can show up as the comfort a person needs
Sometimes all a person wants is an empathetic ear; all he or she needs is to talk it out. Just offering a listening ear and an understanding heart for his or her suffering can be a big comfort. ― Roy T. Bennett
6. Empathetic listening turns on the light so shame can’t survive
If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can't survive. ― Brené Brown
7. Listening is comfortable with and closely tied to silence
The word “listen” contains the same letters as the word “silent.” ― Alfred Brendel
8. Listening to be effective must be the only thing you are doing at that moment
You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same time.” ― M. Scott Peck
9. True friends listen without needing to fill the space with words
Friends are those rare people who ask how we are, and then wait to hear the answer. ― Ed Cunningham
10. A great deal can be learned when we listen
The humble listen to their brothers and sisters because they assume they have something to learn. They are open to correction, and they become wiser through it. ― Fr. Thomas Dubay
One More Thought and a Question
The first duty of love is to listen. — Paul Tillich
Which axiom landed for you?
