5 Grief Myths Worth Exposing - part 1
There are numerous myths that get in the way of healthy grief. My goal in this article is to expose some of these and share some ideas that are a more accurate description on thorough and healthy grief.
If you are grieving, my aim is to validate and describe your grief so you can keep walking with your grief. If you are coming alongside those who grieve, my aim is to give you a way to show up with empathy and compassion because you are more informed about the true nature of grief. This is part one of a two part list of 10 myths.
Five Grief Myths Worth Exposing
1. Your grief will eventually end
More accurate: Grief doesn’t ever end. The intensity of your feelings will lessen but you always carry the memory your loss in your heart. What helps with your perspective is to grow you life by building new relationships, creating new experiences, and tapping into new learning. When you do that, your ever growing life is less consumed by your grief.
2. Grief follows a predictable and orderly pathway
More accurate: There are universal principles that are common among grieving people but the experience of grief is unique for every individual. That variety and uniqueness includes the ups and downs of emotion, the host of thoughts and behaviors, and any number of physical symptoms. There are no exact five stages of grief that are common to everyone.
3. Time heals all wounds
More accurate: Time along does not heal a broken heart. It’s what you do with your time that matters. Time along with learning and a supportive empathetic community will help you move forward with your grief and find the healing you are looking for.
4. Things will be better after the first year
More accurate: You can’t put a time limit on grief and predict when things will change for the better. For one person, a year doesn’t even scratch the surface of their grief while for another, a lot changes after one year. For sure it can be hard to get through all the “firsts” of the first year (first birthday, first anniversary, first Christmas, etc.) but that does not mean the years that follow won’t be very difficult.
5. Grief and mourning are the same thing
More accurate: Grief and mourning are two very distinct aspects of the grief journey that are both essential for thorough grief. Grief is “the constellation of internal thoughts and feelings we have when someone we love dies” (Alan Wolfelt). Mourning is grief gone public or the outward expression of grief. For thorough grief to occur, you need both. If someone says, “You should keep your grief to yourself!” It’s not true or helpful.
Final Reflection
What myth has tripped you up and gotten in the way of your grief or of those you are looking to support?
What myth would you add to this list?
