10 Tips for Grievers & Companions of Grievers this Christmas
Christmas can be a difficult time of year for those who grieve. The gap that exists because of a loss is often felt more deeply at Christmas. Other people enjoy their family and friends who you sit in your sadness.
I thought I’d list some tips for both those who grieve and for those looking for help to provide meaningful support for those family and friends in their lives who grieve. This is a sample size that I trust will spark some creativity of your own as you navigate your Christmas — regardless of the perspective you see loss from.
Five Tips for Grievers this Christmas
1. Plan to grieve
Unrealistic expectations get us into all kinds of trouble. If you set an expectation that grief will surface, you won’t be so surprised and thrown off when it does surface.
2. Include others in your life
Don’t go it alone this Christmas. Look for family or friends who can hold space for you while your grieve. That may mean going out of your comfort zone to find such people but you’ll be glad you did.
3. Be kind and gentle to yourself
Take time for yourself without guilt. You may not want to or be able to do things you’ve done before. That’s OK. You have permission to say “no” if an event or invitation doesn’t fit this year.
4. Strengthen the relationship of memory you have with the person you have lost
Some ideas might be to hang a tree ornament in their memory, light a candle, prepare a meal or food item your loved one would have liked, write a Christmas card and put it under the tree. Take time to tell stories to remember.
5. Feel your feelings
When grief knocks at the door, answer it. Cry when you have to. Stomp your feet in anger. Feel the joy when holding a child. Stop to be overwhelmed by a stunning sunset. Welcome joy and sadness alike.
Five Tips for Family and Friends of Grievers this Christmas
1. Say the name of the person who has died
Don’t avoid talking about the person who has died. The grieving person is thinking about them so saying their name can be music to their ears. Remember to let the grieving person keep the conversation going or not.
2. Don’t ask — just do
One of the hardest phrases to respond to as a grieving person is, “If you ever need anything, just let me know.” That can be too overwhelming. Just do — bring a meal, bring some Christmas baking, invite them to go for a walk or for coffee. Invite them to join you for a meal or Christmas event.
3. Hold off on advice giving
Grieving people are not usually that eager to hear your opinion about what they should or shouldn’t do to handle their grief. There is a time and a place for advice, but be hesitant to jump in with yours. Ask don’t tell.
4. Be willing to help with planning
If a grieving person would like help to plan for the Christmas season, be willing to help them figure it out. It can be a lonely time and include a reduced ability to solve problems and plan meaningful activities.
5. Realize your griever has limits
Those who grieve often have reduced concentration and energy. They may need to bow out of events and gatherings early. Let it happen. Be grateful for the time you had to spend with them and honor their need for space.
Reflection Questions
If you are grieving, what tips resonated with you?
If you are supporting a griever, what landed for you that you can act on?
