Perspective Can Change Everything
If you don’t like the way things look, change the way you look at things.
This wisdom is especially important when you are faced with adversity and unmet circumstances.
I think back to the day I woke up in ICU after my motorcycle accident. As I looked at all the tubes and machines keeping me alive, I was stunned, unable to move, and felt like I was at the end of my rope.
Over those next few days, I had a choice to make. Would I be bitter and angry at the person who caused this accident? Would I demand justice and allow the pain to send me into a downward spiral?
Or would I choose a different perspective that would help me claw myself forward on this long road of recovery?
What are you staring at today?
A loss that hasn’t fully sunk in?
Fear of an unknown future?
Emotional turmoil unmatched by anything you’ve faced before?
Betrayal from a family member?
A health crisis that has rocked you to your core?
A financial mountain you don’t know how you’ll ever climb?
When life hits us hard, we feel the weight of it. When loss happens, we feel like our world is forever changed and not in a good way.
We can’t control what happens to us but we can control how we will look at what has happened to us.
Even when you feel like you don’t have any control left, the one place you have left to stand is to chose the perspective you will take in that situation.
It won’t be quick or easy but choosing a different perspective is a habit of resilient people that can help you keep walking forward, even if it’s with baby steps. Let me share three lessons I’m learning to apply each time I’m met with unwelcome adversity.
Three Lessons to Help You Choose a Different Perspective
Lesson 1: Obstacles are normal
When shocked by bad news, it helps to realize we live on a broken planet where hurtful and painful things happen to all of us.
Embracing a mindset that says “obstacles are normal” doesn’t take the pain away. What it does do is prepare you to take the next step of not taking it personally or falling into a victim mindset.
After Vicky died from kidney cancer, I felt like the world as I knew would be forever changed. I was overwhelmed with grief. What I also knew deep down was that cancer can hit any family. It didn’t change the pain but it did help me grieve and not get stuck with a bitter heart.
Lesson 2: Perspective is a choice
We don’t choose what happens to us but we can choose how we will look at what happens to us. It’s a subtle difference that has a profound impact on our lives.
I learned early on after my motorcycle accident to focus on what I had left, and not keep staring on what I had lost. It helped me heal and be an easier person to be around.
We choose how we’ll look at things. We retain the ability to inject perspective into a situation. We can’t change the obstacles themselves — that part of the equation is set — but the power of perspective can change how the obstacles appear. — Ryan Holiday
Lesson 3: Perspective set you up for action
Where the head goes, the body follows. Perception precedes action. Right action follows the right perspective. — Ryan Holiday
A key component to dealing with hard things is to take action. What sets us up for positive and healthy action is the perspective we decide to live in as we take that action.
As I started to accept Vicky’s loss, I moved ever so slowly to a place where I felt I could start to help others who were also grieving. It wasn’t quick or easy but my perspective that “I could be a grief mentor” helped fuel positive action that included love and empathy.
Action looks differently for everyone. For one person, the perspective that I matter and know healing is possible might lead to connecting with empathetic people, joining a grief group, getting out for a walk in nature, journaling your feelings, or eating healthy.
Reflection Questions
If you are in the middle of a storm or a difficult season, what is your current perspective?
How do you respond to the three lessons?
What can you do to embrace a healthy perspective that can lead to positive action?
* The Ryan Holiday quotes are from his book The Obstacle is the Way
