Companioning - Stillness is Better Than Frantic Movement [Part 8]
Companioning is a gift you give of empathy and support to those who grieve. It’s includes sitting with someone and opening up your heart to travel with them through their grief. It’s not about giving advice or taking away the pain but being fully present.
This series is based on Alan Wolfelt’s 11 tenets of companioning. Today’s article continues the series and looks at the eighth tenet. To review the first seven, check out my blog here.
Stillness Has More Impact Than Frantic Movement
The eight tenet of companioning says: Companioning the bereaved is about being still; it is not about frantic movement forward.
The paradox for many grieving people is that the harder they try to move forward, the more lost they become. One of the gifts a grief companion brings is to honor and create room for the deeper voice of quiet wisdom and rest.
“A lack of stillness hastens confusion and disorientation and results in a waning of the spirit. If the mourner does not rest in stillness, she cannot and will not find her way out of the wilderness of grief.” — Alan Wolfelt
In the words of Gandhi, “There is more to life than merely increasing its speed.” The speed of grief that transforms is definitely slow not fast.
What Stillness Provides
Stillness allows you to find the energy to embrace the work of mourning. Stillness gives voice to grief. Stillness slows you down so insight and wisdom can emerge. Stillness invites the head to connect with the heart.
Stillness allows space where grief is transformed into a deeper meaning and purpose. A grief companion walks alongside the mourner and holds the space so stillness can do its deeper work.
“In honoring stillness as a companion to someone in grief, you discover that spiritual forces evolve that discourage striving and encourage rest and eventual renewal. Attempting to consciously move forward, or worse yet, making any attempt to get him to ‘let go,’ becomes counterproductive.” — Alan Wolfelt
Stillness and Pain
We must hurt if we are to eventually heal. It’s essential that the companion is comfortable with stillness and pain.
Whether you are a grief companion or the person grieving, you must surrender to the reality of pain and see it as part of the healing journey. If you know that pain in stillness is an essential part of the grief journey, you will be less likely to step back from the pain.
Out of the darkness will eventually come the light. Out of the stillness will arise inner strength, wisdom and healing.
One Additional Reflection — Two Year Anniversary of Vicky’s Death
Tomorrow (May 14th), is the two anniversary of Vicky’s death. As I think back on my two year grief journey, I owe a great deal of gratitude to the role that stillness played in my grief journey.
Not only did I have grief companions who walked with me and helped create stillness, I learned to carve out stillness and solitude where alone I felt deeply, reflected patiently, and processed thoroughly.
Now that two years has passed, the raw grief I experienced early on is no longer my reality. What I do have is an awareness that when grief surfaces, I move to a place of stillness so I can slow things down and do the inner work I need to do NOW.
May you welcome stillness so you can grieve your own losses and bring it with you as a gift to those you support on their grief journey.
For more insights on how to grieve well, check out our online course:
Discover How to Live Again After Loss
