Companioning - Discovering the Gift of Silence [Part 7]
Companioning is all about coming alongside a grieving person with support and empathy. It’s involves sitting with someone and opening up your heart to travel with them through their grief. It’s not about giving advice or taking away the pain but being fully present.
This series is based on Alan Wolfelt’s 11 tenets of companioning. Today’s article continues the series and looks at the seventh tenet. To review the first six, check out my blog.
Discovering the Gift of Silence
The seventh tenet of companioning says: Companioning the bereaved means discovering the gifts of sacred silence; it does not mean filling up every moment with words.
I resonate with the Buddhist teaching that says, “Do not speak unless you can improve upon silence.”
When you are quiet, you create space for someone to be nourished and supported in that silence. Silence allows a grieving person to access a place they may not be able to get to on their own.
“Silence also asks that we respect the role of hurt and pain in healing. If we do not understand this, we will not be capable of silencing our tongues.” — Alan Wolfelt
When we are silent, we let go of the need to fix the grieving person. We also move out of the way and allow space for a broken heart to heal.
Grief Symptoms and the Gift of Silence
Many of the symptoms of grief are best responded to with the gift of silence.
A few of the symptoms grief (and how silence helps with the grieving):
Confusion and feeling lost
Silence helps hold the confusion and be with it
Poor judgment-making ability
Silence allows for a reorientation in order to eventually make better decisions
Loss of meaning and perspective
Silence allows the mourner to sit with their loss and in time open to door to new meaning and purpose
Fatigue and lethargy
Silence allows time to feel the fatigue and in time begin the process of restoration
What Silence Can Teach
Silence gives attention to the deepest needs of the person who is grieving.
Silence acknowledges the unique grief journey a person is on without comparing it to the journey of others.
Silence allows the mourner to feel the impact of compassion and validates the grief.
Silence recognizes how mysterious grief can be and that words at times are the last thing that is needed.
Two Final Thoughts
“For many afflictions, silence is the best remedy.” — Talmud
“Why did God give man two ears and one mouth? So that he will hear more and talk less.” — Adapted from Hasdai
For more insights on how to grieve well, check out our online course:
Discover How to Live Again After Loss
