Curing Your Grief from the School of Seneca
Seneca is one of my historical mentors. He was a Stoic philosopher who experienced loss, learned from it, and took the time to share those lessons so we can access them.
He talked about some practices that will delay grief’s cure. He also shared advice I continue to apply as I grieve, grow and find healing from my losses.
Three Things That Will Delay Grief’s Cure
1. Divert or cheer yourself by long or pleasant journeys abroad
I don’t read this to mean “don’t travel.” What I hear is, “Don’t get distracted by pleasurable activities that will consume your time and attention and squeeze out any space to feel the pain of your loss and work it through.”
2. Time going through your accounts and administering your estate
Having lost my wife to cancer just two years ago, I get this. There’s tons of paper work I had to do in order to deal with her estate and it was very time consuming.
It’s so important to create space to simply be with your grief. Space that’s completely separate from the task of changing the title on your home or taking someone’s name off the bank account.
3. Constantly involved in some new activity
Grief is delayed if in your sadness, you keep chasing new shiny objects. There’s a time and place for pursuing new activities but it’s so important, especially early on in your grief, to sit with what you’re feeling.
You can’t go forward in joy if you haven’t processed your past.
11 Tips Gleaned While Applying Seneca’s Advice
Here are 11 ways I continue to deal with loss and grieve in order to find healing and a cure.
1. Face, process, and deal with emotions immediately instead of running from them
Assuming you have safe people and places to process your emotions, don’t wait too long to let yourself be with what is showing up.
2. Don’t tell people you’re fine
Honesty is important. However, I did use a sliding scale of transparency depending on who I was talking to.
3. Increase emotional awareness and the understanding of yourself
There are some great resources to help us understand ourselves and grow our emotional awareness.
4. Be distracted in short bursts and not long periods of time
Distractions are important to lessen the intensity of grief but if they go on too long, it can be an avoidance technique.
5. Keep in mind that no one can take those good past memories from you
“A great part of those we have loved, though chance has removed their persons, still abides with us. The past is ours, and there is nothing more secure for us than that which has been.” — Seneca
6. You are not alone
Finding stories of others who have faced adversity have brought me much relief and encouragement.
7. Process and parse what you are feeling
Journaling is one of the most effective tools I’ve found to process and get down on paper what’s inside your head and heart.
8. Remove your expectations, your entitlements, your sense of having been wronged
This takes time but eventually it’s important to adjust expectations and accept the reality that loss and hardship does come to all of us eventually.
9. Find the positive in the situation
Being grateful for what you have left creates a positive impact on our body, mind and spirit.
10. Sit with your pain and accept it as part of life
Life includes pain and loss. If we expect it, we are less likely to become embittered by the storms of life.
11. Invite your friends and family to praise and share memories of the person you’ve lost
Seneca taught me how important it is for the person who has experienced the loss to initiate the conversation about shared memories.
Reflection Questions
What have you done to delay your grief cure?
What has helped you to grieve well?
For more insights on how to grieve well, check out our online course:
Discover How to Live Again After Loss
