The Best Piece of Advice I Received - part 1

When I found myself on grief’s pathway, I was given some advice that was simple yet very helpful.

What was the advice? Be kind to yourself.

Another way to say it: Practice self-compassion when grieving. It’s critical and softens the weight of grief and even reduces anxiety and depression.

Avoid the Comparison Trap

One way to practice self-compassion is to avoid the comparison trap. If you want to sink deeper into the valley of despair, all you have to is compare and despair.

If you’re always looking at where others are on their grief journey and perceive them to be farther along or coping better than you are, it can be discouraging.

I did this. I’d look at others and see where they were (or at least where I thought they were) emotionally or in their relationships and feel defeated.

All comparison did for me was keep me fixated on some place else and away from where I needed to be — right where I was!

The opposite of comparison is self-compassion.

It supports a conversation with yourself with words like, “I’m right where I’m suppose to be in my grief and am going to choose to let go of unrealistic expectations so I can live fully in the present.”

The grass isn’t greener on the other side of the fence but where it’s watered and fertilized. Self-compassion says kind words to yourself and creates space to be OK with not being OK but being exactly where you are.

The other reality is that you don’t always know how people are really doing or feeling. They may be putting on a brave face but inside they are an emotional mess, desperate for some relief from their pain.

Grief is different for everyone and even looks different. What looks “better” or “easier” grief for someone else may not even be their reality. Things are often not as they appear.

Remember This

• Be kind to yourself by finding you own unique path for your grief.

• Be kind to yourself by learning from others who are also grieving.

• Be kind to yourself by celebrating the progress and growth of others.

• Be kind to yourself by comparing yourself to yourself. Celebrate your own progress when you see it.

• Be kind to yourself and experience the peace that can come when you are OK with where exactly you are today.