The Best Piece of Advice I Received - part 2

Last week, in part one, I stated that the best piece of advice I received while grieving was: be kind to yourself. It’s not just good advice while grieving but while navigating any season of adversity.

To build on that theme, there are two more ways to be kind to yourself — besides eliminating the comparison trap.

Two More Ways to Be Kind to Yourself

1. Take periodic breaks from the hard parts of your journey

Grieving loss and navigating hardship is very taxing emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually and in every other way! The good news is that you can train yourself to look up from your downward gaze and give yourself periodic breaks.

It’s easy to forget when you’re overwhelmed by sadness or living in a fog-like state. But what a difference self-compassion in action can make!

The way to take periodic breaks looks different for everyone. For some, it’s stopping to smell a flower. For others, it’s reading fiction or throwing the ball for your dog. For others, it’s eating a piece of chocolate, watching your favorite movies, or pausing to be thankful.

Moving your body can help shift your awareness and open you up to the unexpected break like a beautiful sunset, a warm rain, or an encouraging text from a friend.

Road cycling created breaks for me quite often. I did grieve while riding but also enjoyed periodic breakthroughs that took the focus off the heavy emotions I was experiencing.

Breaks divert what you’re seeing, hearing, smelling, and thinking about and allow you to catch your breath.

There’s a second way to be kind to yourself.

2. Carve out time to meet your basic needs

The list of basic needs includes activities like sleeping, breathing, eating, showering, connecting, and walking. The weight of your grief can be all consuming to the point where you forget to look after your basic needs. You forget to eat or neglect going to bed at a normal time.

It’s not uncommon for someone fresh in their grief to stay in bed too long to the detriment of their family or personal well being. Early on in my grief, I’d hesitate to go outside for a walk because I didn’t want to run into people and have to talk to them.

Eating healthy can be challenging when you’re grieving especially if you don’t have someone supporting you in the early days. It takes focus and intentionality to eat healthy and is difficult to do but when you do, you are being kind to yourself.

Breathing is a basic need and the value of breathing exercises can be undervalued. Deeper breathing releases toxins from your body and enables your body you to create internal chemicals that foster well being.

One breathing technique I use to stay healthy is box breathing. Visualize a square with four sides that represent four steps. Step one is to breathe in through your nose for four seconds; then hold your breath for four seconds; breathe out through your mouth for four seconds; then hold your breath four seconds. Repeat four times.

Take a deep breath. It calms the mind. – Regina Brett

Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure. – Oprah Winfrey

Final thought

Being kind to yourself doesn’t need to be something monumental but can be a small act. Then over time, you are able to celebrate the progress you made and persevere in your journey.

While it may seem small, the ripple effects of small things is extraordinary. — Matt Bevin

Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies. — Mother Teresa