Four Reminders to Chew On as You Travel Grief’s Pathway

Last week I gave three reasons why thorough grief matters. I want to add four reminders to encourage you in that pursuit of good grief for yourself or for someone you are walking alongside in grief.

Sometimes people who have had lost something or someone look for short cuts to the pain that comes with loss. Truth is, there is no short cut when a loss has cut dead and life as you knew it is no longer.

Grieving is a painful process but when done thoroughly and deeply, it’s the hallway you must go through to get to a place where you’ll find life and peace and rest.

See these four reminders as bit size pieces of wisdom you can chew on and find some strength from.

Four Reminders to Chew On as You Travel Grief’s Pathway

1. Say “yes” to thorough grief

Your commitments shape your future.

If you are grieving, agree to lean into your grief. Go down into the mess of your grief to find the eventual healing you desire.

Remember, you will experience pain and suffering while traveling down into your grief but if you grieve well, you will avoid long-term and unnecessary pain.

2. Find rituals that facilitate ongoing grief

For me it was cycling, gratitude journaling, and scheduled conversations with trusted friends.

What will help keep your grief moving?

What do you enjoy that will provide the space to process and be a friend to your feelings? Coffee at a coffee shop? Walking by a stream? Yoga? Breathing deeply and frequently? Reading or writing poetry? Listening to music?

3. Practice patience

When traveling through grief, be willing to travel at a new speed — SLOW! You can’t rush grief and will be better off in the long run if you learn patience in your grief. It was William Shakespeare who said, “Grief makes one hour ten.”

Grief expert Alan Wolfelt gives this important reminder when thinking of the actual length of grief.

Grief never truly ends because love never ends. People do not “get over” grief because they do not “get over” the love that caused the grief. — Alan Wolfelt

Grief over time can become easier but you don’t get over it because your memory and the love you had for what was lost remains.

4. Let yourself feel deeply and cry as necessary

Tears are God’s built-in relief value for the hurts of life. Let them flow. I’m no longer embarrassed by tears, but I do choose where I will let them flow.

What soap is for the body, tears do for the soul. — Jewish Proverb

William Shakespeare wisely said, “Tears water our growth.” He must have known something about grief and loss.

Reflection Questions

If you are grieving, to what degree are you saying “yes” to your grief?
What rituals help you endure suffering and get through the storms of life?
Take a few minutes to write out an affirmation that describes your willingness to practice thorough grief.