The Strength of Tempered Optimism: Resiliency Habit #3
We first make our habits, and then our habits make us. — Charles C. Noble
There are several habits that when practiced will help you to bounce forward after a loss. These habits are seen in resilient people which a core quality needed to keep moving in life in spite of the challenges you may face.
So far, I’ve talked about the habit of having a growth mindset and gratitude. Today I turn to a third habit — tempered optimism.
The Power and Potential of Tempered Optimism
There are three kinds of people in a wind storm. The first is the pessimist.
The pessimist looks at the wind and says, “When will this crazy wind stop?”
The optimist looks at the wind and says, “This will change — just wait!”
The realist looks at the wind and says, “I need to adjust my sails.”
A resilient person combines optimism and realism — that is the winning combination and is called tempered optimism.
A positive attitude alone is not enough. It falls short especially during prolonged seasons of adversity. It was a lesson I have learned on several occasions — during my three year recovery journey after my motorcycle accident and after my wife Vicky died.
Where did I learn how to practice tempered optimism? A resilient person by the name of James Stockdale.
The Stockdale Paradox
Admiral James Stockdale survived an eight-year imprisonment from 1965 to 1953 during the Vietnam War. During his time in prison, Stockdale not only survived, but helped others manage the unimaginable conditions of prison camp (this story is told in Jim Collins book, Good to Great).
In reflecting on his experience, Stockdale was optimistic.
I never lost faith in the end of the story. I never doubted not only that I would get out, but also that I would prevail in the end and turn the experience into the defining event of my life, which, in retrospect, I would not trade. - Stockdale
But he had more than optimism.
Listen to what Stockdale said about the optimists who didn’t survive.
The optimists said, ‘We’re going to be out by Christmas,’ but Christmas would come and they wouldn’t be out. Then they said, ‘We’ll be out by Easter,’ but Easter would come and they weren’t out. Sadly, they eventually died of a broken heart. — Stockdale
Stockdale gives a better alternative to pure optimism.
You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end, which you can never afford to lose, with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they may be. — Stockdale
His alternative because known as the Stockdale Paradox which I call tempered optimism.
5 Ways to Practice the Habit of Tempered Optimism
Practice #1: Develop a growth mindset and purge any fixed mindset residue
For a summary of the grow mindset versus a fixed mindset, check out Adopting a Growth Mindset.
Practice #2: Look for people who model tempered optimism and read their stories
Two stories I have benefited from are Nelson Mandela (Long Walk to Freedom) or Louie Zamperini (Unbroken). Both of these men have told their story in book form as well as in film.
Practice #3: Focus on what you can control when dealing with harsh reality
One exercise you can do it to support this is to create two columns on a piece of paper. On the right side write the title: “Things I can control.” On the left side write the title: “Things I can’t control.” Once you have your lists, focus on the right side.
Practice #4: Keep a gratitude journal
For a look at the benefits of gratitude and some days to “do” it, read part two in this series: Practice Gratitude.
Practice #5: Find supportive people you can be vent your reality to.
Supportive people don’t just listen. They also help you process what’s real and inspire you to find hope when facing despair.
Reflection Questions
How would you describe tempered optimism in your situation?
Which of the five practices will you do this week?
Who can you share what you’ve been learning about resiliency with?
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Unlocking the Mystery of Grief
