Four Ways to Reframe Pain and Suffering
People’s default attitude towards pain is avoidance.
The popular belief is, “Pain and suffering are bad. Do not accept pain as part of any normal existence but see it as unfair and an unwelcome guest.” I want to challenge that view and give you a different way to frame your pain and suffering.
This perspective is consistent with the way resilient people live and act. Instead of being surprised by suffering, resilient people expect suffering as part of the human experience. No, we don’t go looking for pain and suffering, but when it comes, we are willing to hold it, be with it, and learn in spite of it.
The reality is, without suffering and pain in our lives, we remain soft, untested, and weak in character.
Four Ways to Reframe Pain and Suffering
1. See pain (most of the time) as your friend, not your enemy
Pain can be a warning signal that something is wrong. For example, people with leprosy have pain sensors that fail to function. The result? Lost fingers due to hot stoves and bed sores due to the failure to roll over while sleeping.
When you have overworked a muscle, injured your wrist, or lost someone dear to you, the pain is telling you, “Pay attention! Stop and deal with what just happened and don’t ignore it!”
2. Realize that pain and growth are partners with you on journey through life
Some of the worst pain I endured during my motorcycle accident recovery was during the six months I grew a new section of femur. The process included an external bone transporter that stuck out of my leg to facilitate the growth of a new section of femur.
The growth process was very painful because it had to move skin, tendons and muscle to advance through my leg. Without that painful growth, however, it would not have been possible to have a regenerated leg and eventually walk on it.
3. Embrace suffering as the pathway to peace
In the Serenity Prayer, there’s a line that says, “Accepting hardship, as the pathway to peace.” It took me a while to understand what the author of this prayer meant by this phrase. Upon reflection and using it as my prayer while suffering, I started to see what it meant.
During times of hardship, peace comes when you go through the hardship, not avoid it. There’s a time for pain medicine, which I’ve used on occasion and been grateful for but medicine alone does not give you true peace. True peace comes when we accept and embrace suffering instead of fight and resist it.
4. Recognize the connection between your pain sensors and your pleasure sensors
When you numb your pain through pain medicine or other means, you also numb your pleasure sensors. Numbing pain is a legitimate practice which I welcomed. I also learned to be with my pain which opened the door to be with pleasure.
You miss out on pleasure when you run from your suffering and make it your mission to feel no pain. Allowing yourself to feel your pain (the ache for a lost loved one, the disappointment from a failed relationship, the physical pain from a broken body) creates the possibility you will also experience pleasure and joy.
Questions to ponder
How would you compare your current view on suffering with this lesson?
When have you been unwilling to embrace pain and suffering? What was the result?
What suffering do you need to “be with” today?
