Five Ways Gratitude Lightens the Load of Grief
Gratitude is a valuable habit that changes you for the better during your grief journey.
Gratitude doesn’t invalidate your grief but serves as a suitable companion in your grief. It can lift your mood and change you physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally.
I want to explore five ways gratitude adds value to our grief journey plus give you four ideas on how to be creative and fresh in your gratitude.
These ideas aren’t just for times of grief but beneficial always.
Five Ways Gratitude Lightens the Load of Grief
1. Gratitude changes your perspective
Gratitude isn’t so much reflecting on the big things but on the little things that happen throughout your day. Even little things like having food to eat or a warm place to sleep can keep you from feeling overwhelmed by your loss.
When you look differently at a situation, the situation doesn’t change but you change because you see it differently. Gratitude is a different perspective. Instead of seeing the void in your life because of a loss, gratitude prompts you to say, “What am I thankful for that I still have in my life?”
When I practice gratitude, my molehills don't turn into mountains, and those mountains don't turn into walls, and those walls don't turn into separation. — Author unknown
Gratitude allows a bit of sunlight to shine down into your mood — starting small but growing over time.
Although the wind blows terribly here, the moonlight also leaks between the roof planks of this ruined house. — Izumi Shikibu
2. Gratitude opens the door for friendship
When you are grateful, you are more likely to be open to connecting with others. The grief journey can be lonely but into that loneliness can appear people who are drawn to you because of your gratitude.
Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. – Melody Beattie
When you say thank you to others for their kindness or express genuine gratitude for the beauty that still exists in your world, it makes it easier for others to be with you.
3. Gratitude puts the focus on what’s left not on what’s lost
You may feel guilty thinking this way because it feels like a denial of your pain. On the contrary, gratitude can give a much needed break from the relentless sadness you are experiencing. If you stay focused on your loss and obligated to feel sad 100% of the time, you run the risk of getting stuck in that sad and despairing place.
When I would go for a bike ride or a walk with Max in the neighborhood, I got my mind off my sadness and onto the world and people around me. I ran into people I hadn’t talked to for a while and found empathy in unsuspecting places from people who genuinely cared how I was doing.
After these connections I would often come home every so slightly revitalized. Nothing in my circumstances had changed but I had changed in my mood and focus.
4. Gratitude creates endorphins and other chemicals in your body that promote healing
Gratitude fosters adaptive coping mechanisms. By managing positive emotions like satisfaction, happiness, and pleasure, gratitude enhances our emotional resilience and builds our inner strength to combat stress. — Gloria & Steinhardt
Research by the Institute of HeartMath found that gratitude isn’t a quick fix for grief but rather an important part of healing the body, mind and spirit. It improves your heart health — the heart’s rhythmic functioning which helps reduce stress, think more clearly under pressure and heal physically.
Gratitude reduces toxic emotions like envy, bitterness, and frustration. It increases happiness and reduces depression. — Dr. Robert A. Emmons
5. Gratitude helps you sleep
Sleep patterns are often disrupted when grieving. It can go both ways — either you can’t get to sleep at night or you want to sleep all the time. Gratitude is part of a smorgasbord of sleep remedies that can set you up for the possibility for better sleep patterns.
A 2011 study revealed that using a gratitude journal improved you ability to sleep. You are training your brain to focus on small positives instead of your overwhelming negative. When successful, you won’t find yourself saying,
At night, I can’t sleep. In the morning, I can’t wake up. — Unknown
Four Ways to “Do” Gratitude
1. Take a gratitude walk going through the alphabet
Take a walk around the block or through a wooded trail and say out loud what you are thankful for starting with each letter of the alphabet. Every time I do this, my mood lifts.
2. Say thank you before a meal or while you eat
If having a meal with others, go around the table and give everyone a turn of being grateful for one thing. Gratitude expressed has power to heal.
3. Go on a gratitude visit
Write a letter of gratitude and read it out loud to someone you care about. Do it in person or at the very least, virtually.
Martin Seligman, the father of positive psychology, suggested this and says the research shows people who do this are measurably happier and less depressed a month later.
4. Keep a gratitude jar
Take a jar or box and prepare several small pieces of blank paper. Write one thing per day you’re grateful for and put it in the box or jar. “My neighbor mowed my grass.” “The sky was a beautiful blue today.” “The rain replenished the earth.” “I have a roof over my head.”
After a while, open up the jar and read some of the notes as a reminder of what you wrote earlier.
Questions to Ponder
Why does being grateful matter?
What keeps us from being more grateful?
Who’s your gratitude role model?
