5 Ideas to Guide You Towards Meaning While Grieving
For many of you, the road you find yourself on is marked by the suffering caused by loss — either your own loss or the loss a friend is experiencing.
Today, I turn to an author who helps us re-frame our loss in a way that helps in the healing journey that grief can become. The man is David Kessler and the book we are reflecting on is Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief.
May these five ideas help shape your learning journey.
Five Ideas to Guide You Towards Meaning While Grieving*
1. The common need when grieving is to have our grief witnessed not lessened
Each person's grief is as unique as their fingerprint. But what everyone has in common is that no matter how they grieve, they share a need for their grief to be witnessed. That doesn't mean needing someone to try to lessen it or reframe it for them. The need is for someone to be fully present to the magnitude of their loss without trying to point out the silver lining.
Having our pain seen and seeing the pain in others is a wonderful medicine for both body and soul.
2. There is a way to heal from severe loss
People often think there is no way to heal from severe loss. I believe that is not true. You heal when you can remember those who have died with more love than pain, when you find a way to create meaning in your own life in a way that will honor theirs. It requires a decision and a desire to do this, but finding meaning is not extraordinary, it’s ordinary. It happens all the time, all over the world.
3. The end of a life is not the end of the story
Death ends a life, but not our relationship, our love, or our hope.
4. Loss happens — meaning is what we make out of it
Your loss is not a test, a lesson, something to handle, a gift, or a blessing. Loss is simply what happens to you in life. Meaning is what you make happen.
5. There is a reason to turn “Why me?” into “Why not me?”
I guess the real question is, “Why not me? Why did I think I was going to get through this life without sorrow, pain, or grief?” — David Kessler
Reflection Questions
When you hear the idea of “finding meaning in grief,” what is your reaction to that?
Which idea lands for you in your situation or as you support someone who is grieving?
*All quotes are from David Kessler’s book, Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief
