Better to Conquer Grief Than Run From It

It’s better to conquer grief than to deceive it. — Seneca, Stoic Philosopher

We all know people who do their best to try and get our minds off our grief. They believe mistakenly that we need to be distracted from our suffering and the painful feelings loss brings with it.

Sad is the day when we fail to realize the value of going down into our grief.

The Stoics did not suppress their emotions as some might think but told us to “face, process, and deal with emotions immediately instead of running from them” (Holiday).

Not only did the Stoics teach this, but Jesus did as well.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. — Jesus

A Story of Facing My Grief

I’ll never forget the day shortly after Vicky died when I ran right into my grief. I was on one of my grief cycling rides and was overwhelmed by deep sadness and tears. I felt the intense pain of my loss but at the same time, received a comfort I can't explain. It is hard to put into words the warmth I felt on the inside even though the tears were flowing on the outside.

I was conquering my grief ever so slightly and experiencing the comfort that can come while mourning. 

We are never too far away from the deceptive thought that whispers in our ear, “Hide from your sadness and pain. Distract yourself with food, drink, entertainment, and busyness. Don’t do what’s hard — do what’s easy!”

Doing what’s easy may bring comfort in the short term but in the long term, it will come back to bite you.

Face Grief Now

Whether it’s your own inner voice or the voice of a well meaning friend, don’t answer the invitation to run from your grief but with honest self reflection and understanding, welcome the pain of grief.

That means facing it [your grief] now. Process and parse what you are feeling. Remove your expectations, your entitlements, your sense of having been wronged. Find the positive in the situation, but also sit with your pain and accept it, remembering that it is a part of life. That’s how one conquers grief. — Ryan Holiday, The Daily Stoic

Reflective Questions

• What or who have you lost that needs attention?

• What is your distraction of choice you need to guard against when grieving?

• Who can remind you how important it is to face your grief?