Packing Your Backpack for the Grief Journey
When you go backpacking out into the wilderness, you carefully plan and prepare, then go on your trip. When we go on a grief journey, it’s usually something forced upon us.
When I was forced to grieve Vicky’s unexpected death, I wasn’t ready. I had to learn quickly how to walk out this journey. Thankfully, I wasn’t alone and had people to guide me — one of whom was author Lucy Hone.
Lucy tells her story of loss and grief in a book called Resilient Grieving. One idea that impacted me greatly was the realization that I could customize my own journey with specific actions, thoughts, and people in a way that would help me grieve proactively and thoroughly.
She shared a model she calls the puzzle piece grief model. The key idea goes like this:
Living with grief is learning to live in a shattered world where we’re left to rebuild the pieces of our lives. — Lucy Hone
Those pieces can be seen as puzzle pieces or in my words, items I want to have in my backpack for the grief journey.
The Value of Packing Right
Living with grief requires us to have access to certain tools and resources that help us deal with unsuspecting emotions, reactions, and speed bumps that come our way.
The better prepared and equipped you are for the journey, the better you’ll be able to navigate the ups and downs of the journey. It also became apparent the I could be an active participant in my grief, not just a passive observer.
To be an active participant, however, I learned the value of having at my finger tips the items required to respond appropriately. I needed a backpack I could access at any time.
What followers is a random list of items to choose from and consider when packing your unique backpack for what is a very individual journey.
Items to Choose From When Packing for Your Trip
Below are five categories that include a wide range of ideas and practices that you could choose to add to your grief journey.
Personal reflection: a journal, art supplies, musical instruments, music, poetry, spiritual reading, deep crying, reframing, gratitude, a way to find a new identity and a new purpose, affirmations, future self creation, a candle, prayer, and breathing.
Personal care and development: sleep, healthy eating, a doctor visit, counseling, ways to interrupt critical self-talk, skill development, short term distractions, and the grief cleanse.
People and healthy community: time with friends, a grief group, walking in the neighborhood, going to church, volunteering, joining a club (scrabble, horseshoes, knitting, choir, horseback riding, cycling, running, walking), and going to a play or concert with a friend.
Physical activities: exercise (walking, running, cycling, going to the gym), getting out into nature, dancing class, building something, doing yard work, taking a road trip, practicing yoga, baking or cooking, and decluttering your house or garage.
Learning opportunities: reading or listening to books, listening to podcasts, watching TED Talks, reading grief material, reading poetry, attending a lecture series, watching documentaries, and taking notes on what you’re learning.
Three Steps to Packing Your Backpack
Image what it would feel like to have with you on your grief journey the routines, practices, and equipment needed to navigate the twists and turns of the trip? There are three simple steps to turning these ideas into action.
Step 1: Brainstorm your list
On a piece of paper, take the ideas you have just read about in the previous section and create your own list. What are the actions to take, thoughts to think, or practices to use on your grief journey?
Think of the internal and external processing you’ll be doing. Ask a close friend to work with you on this for the support and another perspective. See this as actually part of your grief journey.
Step 2: Prioritize your list
Once you have your list, prioritize the top 10 or 12 things you will start using or doing right away. Choose the items that will help you where you are now and leave the rest for later.
Prepare to take baby steps, start where you are and adapt as you go. Look at what has been working so far — celebrate your growth and don’t give up.
Step 3: Take action with a practice, ritual, or activity that will help you grieve
Be creative and adaptive as you use the various tools and approaches you have chosen. This isn’t suppose to be rigid or limiting experience but fluid and ever changing.
Grief doesn’t have an end date but does change over time. I’m still, three years later, using many of these tools on my journey and adding as I go.
Final Thought — An Ideas Jar
Let me give you one more ideas to consider — create an ideas jar you can fill with activities and actions that will promote healthy and thorough grief.
To fill your jar, write one idea per slip of paper and place it in the jar. Once that is complete, every day, pull out a slip of paper and do what’s listed on the paper.
