Three Keys to Practicing Healthy Self-Care

Sometimes you practice self-care because you have to. Other times, you practice self-care because you chose to.

Choosing self-care while grieving, as hard as it can be to do, breathes oxygen into your soul and strengthens your resiliency muscles. It helps create the capacity to heal and move steadily through your grief.

By the way, self-care is something we want to practice daily whether we're grieving or not. 

Self-care increases physical hardiness, changes your mood for the better and improves how you feel about yourself.

A metaphor I find helpful when talking about self-care is to see the care of yourself like you think of caring for your house plants.

We, like house plants, require specialized treatment, daily care, and someone who has a thorough understanding of all that is needed for healthy living.

Three Keys to Practicing Healthy Self-Care

1. You need to know the unique needs of the plant or person

Just as each house plant requires individual attention, so it is with us. We are all different and require a customized approach to self-care that fits our unique needs and make-up.

I have a cactus plant that requires watering twice a year or at least I think it does. The problem with my cactus is that I haven’t taken the time to find out what it’s unique needs are which explains why five of the seven shoots are now dead.

What do you need to properly care for yourself in the place you find yourself in while grieving?

There is extra stress and fatigue as you deal with a myriad of reactions, thoughts and feelings that come your way while grieving. Grief is exhausting.

Self-care starts with knowing what you need without comparing yourself to others. No one else is just like you.

How much sleep do you need? What foods nourishes your body? How much solitude do you need? How many connections are healthy for you?

Is your environment suitable for flourishing? Do you need help cleaning up the place? Do you need meals brought to you or are you better off cooking for yourself?

Know what your unique needs are.

2. You need to attend to self-care daily

For plants to be healthy, what happens daily matters. You don’t water a plant daily but you do give a plant the right amount of sunlight and ensure the soil is the right consistency of nutrients to keep is green and lush.

Your emotional, physical, spiritual, and mental health needs attention daily. What’s needed daily will vary depending on what you’re experiencing that particular day. Some days you need help from others. Other days you need to take action that only you can take.

One habits that created space for me to attend to my self-care needs was to carve out time daily for stillness.

Stillness is that quiet moment when inspiration hits you. It’s that ability to step back and reflect. It’s what makes room for gratitude and happiness. It’s one of the most powerful forces on earth. — Ryan Holiday

I found stillness in the undistracted walks by the creek not too far from my house. I found it in the mornings in my recliner with my journal, books, and thoughts.

Another habit was to connect when loneliness was creeping into isolation. When that happened, I’d connect with friends or family in person or virtually.

Another habit I developed was stronger mental fitness. That meant learning to quiet the self-judgment and saboteur voices in my head and choose to convert my adversity into a gift and opportunity, choose empathy, or move into positive action.

By developing and practicing good habits each day, you affirm that you do have control over the very core of your life in the midst of the chaos. – Stephen Guise

What about sleep? It’s such a powerful self-care practice that can be a struggle while grieving but it’s benefits are significant.

If you want peace, there is just one thing to do. If you want to be your best, there is just one thing to do. Go to sleep. — Ryan Holiday

3. Expand your attention to all areas of self-care in your eco-system

When you care for your plants, there are a host of elements to consider including water, healthy soil, light, environmental factor like temperature, pot size, and fertilizer.

In a similar way, self-care has several areas to consider if you want to cover the depth and width of who you are and need.

Let me give you eight areas of self-care that need attention. This list can serve as a check list that can help you evaluate the areas you have covered and those you could pay attention to in the days ahead.

Physical self-care — this is movement of the body, nutrition, sleep, and physical health.

Psychological self-care — this is learning new things, being mindful, exercising creativity.

Emotional self-care — this includes expanding your awareness of the many emotions you are experiencing, navigating those emotions, growing empathy and dealing with the stress in your life.

Social self-care — this is finding supportive people, connecting with friends, and asking for help when you need it.

Professional self-care — this is for those who are working and includes knowing your limits and capacity, having boundaries in place, finding purpose, and adapting to the work environment you find yourself in.

Environmental self-care — this includes de-cluttering your home, work and spaces you call your own. It means attending to house hold chores like laundry, cleaning and maintenance.

Spiritual self-care — this involves having beliefs, values, and practices (meditating, prayer, journaling, spiritual reading) that help you guide you spiritually.

Financial self-care — this involves having your financial needs met and a responsible relationship with money. That could take the form of a budget, savings, giving, investing, and wise spending.

Reflection Questions

• As you care for yourself, what can you tell yourself that will inspire you and not guilt you into action?

• What will help you to slow down and practice the stillness required for self-care?

• What are 10 self-care ideas you can have ready to use as needed?