10 Practices to Foster Resilient Grieving

When we experience loss, grief not only knocks at the door of our lives but comes barging in. You can try to deflect the pain and turmoil associated with grief but it’s there until you deal with it. The challenge is knowing how to respond.

Will you be a passive participant with grief or will you find a way to be an active participant with the grief?

I asked that very question when grief barged into my life in 2020. I wondered, “Do I simply sit here and be passive or what there something I could do?”

Thankfully, I received some guidance that told me that my grief didn’t need to be passive but could be proactive. I learned to be resilient while grieving.

Resilient people, according to research, grieve more effectively than non-resilient people. I didn’t say “have less pain” or “grieve quicker” but I did say that resiliency while grieving can help a whole lot.

What does it look like to be a resilient griever? Here are 10 choices and practices a resilient griever can grab hold of that will help them keep moving while grieving.

10 Practices to Foster Resilient Grieving

1. Adopt a positive attitude

Optimism is strongly related to resilience. Yes, some people are naturally more optimistic than others but you can train yourself to be more optimistic. An optimistic person confronts the brutal facts, appraises the situation, but at the same time believes they will some how prevail in the end.

2. Think flexibly

When you look at your situation differently and from a different perspective, you are thinking with flexibility. Traumatic experiences can be re-evaluated by altering the event’s perceived value and meaning. A new definition for failure can also help. What if to F.A.I.L. meant “First Attempt In Learning?”

3. Embrace a personal moral compass

When you develop a set of core beliefs, they can serve as a anchor in the storm. A strong faith can hold you steady as can practicing generosity and finding something you are grateful for each day.

4. Find a resilient role model

Role models are so important. You can find them in your own life as well from history. A few of my go to resiliency role models are Viktor Frankl, Nelson Mandela, Abraham Lincoln, and Biblical characters like Job or Jesus. Imitation is a very powerful mode of learning resiliency.

5. Face your fears

Fear is a normal part of life. A resilience response sees the fight or flight reaction and steps back in order to see things differently so you can choose a different response. Testing your assumptions can help you see more objectively and help you face your fears with courage.

6. Develop active coping skills

When you are being resilient, you take action and do what’s in your control instead of simply sitting idly by. Being active to cope can include create positive statements about yourself and actively looking for support from others.

7. Establish and nurture a supportive social network

We can’t go it alone while grieving. We need a safety net during times of stress and grief. You will grow emotionally stronger when you build close relationships with people who love you and are willing to walk alongside you.

8. Attend to physical well-being

When you move the body enough that allows your heart rate to increase and your whole body to experience movement, positive effects take place. Your mood changes, you feel better about yourself and grief is allowed to take place.

9. Train yourself regularly and rigorously in multiple areas

Training applies to many different areas. You can train your mind, your spirit, your emotions, and your body. You train yourself by forming healthy habits so you do the things automatically that result in greater health and endurance.

10. Recognize, utilize, and foster key strengths

A signature strength is something you enjoy doing (ie. write, draw, speak, build, bake, lead) and you’re good at it. Doing the “thing” ends up giving your life greater meaning and helps you move forward while grieving.

Resiliency Quotes to Ponder

You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it. — Margaret Thatcher

Do not judge me by my success, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again. ― Nelson Mandela

Rock bottom became the solid foundation in which I rebuilt my life. ― J.K. Rowling

A good half of the art of living is resilience. ― Alain de Botton

Resilience is very different than being numb. Resilience means you experience, you feel, you fail, you hurt. You fall. But, you keep going. ― Yasmin Mogahed

• Where in your life do you see resiliency and how can you tap into that when life gets hard?