What Story Do You Need to Keep Telling?

Today, November 11th, is Vicky’s Birthday - She is gone but will never be forgotten

Today, November 11th, is a special day. It’s Vicky birthday and she would have been 60 today. She made it to her 57th birthday.

I’m reflecting and remembering the many years we had together. I re-read the poem I wrote about her life as it told a story I will never forget.

If you’d like to be a witness to my story of Vicky and read Celebrating Vicky maybe again or for the first time, click here.

The Power of Story Telling

After a loss, the journey of growth and healing goes on for a long time. It’s different for everyone but is a journey worth paying attention to.

One of the essential ingredients to navigate the twisted and winding road that follows loss and trauma is to have the opportunity to tell your story.

And once is not enough! A great phrase I heard from author Curt Thompson on working through grief goes like this:

We need to learn to work through our grief until our grief is worked through!

We need to be given the opportunity to allow curious and empathetic friends to keep hearing our story until our story is thoroughly told! Here are his thoughts in more detail.

As we tell our stories to others, to the degree that they are attuned to us, our story is modified. The very act of attuning to someone nonverbally creates right hemisphere to right hemisphere brain connections that alter the experience in real time. In this way, good listeners energize the story teller and so encourage the story to be told more faithfully. Hence, story telling is much more a dance between teller and listener than it is a monologue. In fact, it is fair to say, that the story is what tends to emerge between speaker and listener both playing a central role in its telling.

— Curt Thompson, The Soul of Shame

I continue to experience the transformation story telling has in my life — both as a listener and a speaker. Something happens when “I listen to you listen to me.”

What Story Do You Need to Keep Telling?

There is a world of hurt people need to process. There is so much unprocessed loss that needs to be grieved.

I’m witnessing the healing impact that people are experiencing in a grief group I’m facilitated at the local Hospice. I’m watching those who grieve tell their stories to each other and in the telling, find hope and help. It’s the same story each week but it needs to be told over and over again.

What stories need telling in your life? What story have you told once but it’s still bouncing around in your head and using up valuable energy?

When that voice inside your head says, “But my friend won’t want to hear my story again because I just told it last week,” give your friend permission to ask you again, “How are you doing with that ‘thing’ you talked about last week?”

If you’re having a hard time finding people to validate and listen to your story, one place to find them is by being that person for others. Those who are willing to be open and vulnerable are sometimes the same people who will do the same for you.

How am I continuing to tell my story? What you’re reading is one way I’m doing that. I also have a weekly Zoom call with good friend who speaks and listens.

If you need someone to listen to your story today, send me a message. I’ll stop what I’m doing, pay attention to your story and let you know you were heard.

We need to work through our grief until our grief is worked through!

We need to keep telling our story, until our story is thoroughly told!