Five Ideas on Grief from the School of Christina
“There is one thing stronger than all the armies in the world, and that is an idea whose time as come.” — Victor Hugo
One key element to my grieving journey was the introduction of new ideas when I needed them the most. After Vicky died, I didn’t know what I was doing and felt lost and rudderless. I needed people to mentor and teach me.
One teacher who appeared at just the right time was Christina Rasmussen. This proved the saying, “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.”
Her ideas struck a chord with me and gave me stepping stones to walk on while navigating my grief. Maybe you or someone you care about is ready for some stepping stones now.
Five Ideas from the School of Christina for the Grief Journey
1. Fear is real but not the end of the story
I know you are afraid; you are afraid to get hurt again. But I also know that you are not meant to grieve forever.*
2. Loss is an event not an ongoing experience
Loss is not something that keeps happening to you; it is an event. You get to decide when you want to step back into life.*
3. What to do with the vacuum loss creates
Grief not only made me invisible to others, it also demanded a bigger loss, the loss of my true essence. It wasn’t that my grief was a villain, but it robbed me of my power and created a huge vacuum in my life that had to be filled with a new identity — one with which I was not yet familiar.*
4. Trying to remake your old life will only hurt you
Trying to remake the old life was what had hurt me the most. At first it was hard to make the transition to being a new me, as I had to practice laughing again and had to face my fears head-on by taking risks again. Above all else, I had to learn how to trust again. That was the feeling that took me the longest to recover. But once I did, it took me the furthest.*
5. The power and purpose of focusing on positive behaviors
I also realized that if I focused my attention away from negative behaviors (like dwelling on thoughts about my loss) and toward positive behaviors (like learning a new skill or having a new experience), then I could actually change my own neural pathways. In other words, I could contribute to my own relief from suffering by breaking this habit of grief.*
Reflection Questions
What wisdom from Christina’s ideas land with you and your experience?
When have you been the student ready for a teacher?
*Quote taken from the book, Second Firsts: A Step-by-Step Guide to Life after Loss by Christina Rasmussen
