Better to conquer your grief than to avoid it

“It is better to conquer our grief than to deceive it. For if it has withdrawn, being merely beguiled by pleasures and preoccupations, it starts up again and from its very respite gains force to savage us. But the grief that has been conquered by reason is calmed for ever. I am not therefore going to prescribe for you those remedies which I know many people have used, that you divert or cheer yourself by a long or pleasant journey abroad, or spend a lot of time carefully going through your accounts and administering your estate, or constantly be involved in some new activity. All those things help only for a short time; they do not cure grief but hinder it. But I would rather end it than distract it.” — Stoic Philosopher, Seneca

Three Ways to Conquer Your Grief 

Let me rephrase what I believe Seneca is saying. “It is better to work through your grief than to avoid it.” 

There’s nothing wrong with short term distractions while grieving. Read the novel, watch the movie, go on a shopping trip, spent some time with friends doing mindless activity. 

What should be avoided is the pursuit of mind, soul, and body numbing activities and behaviors that keep you from feeling your sadness, loneliness, disappointment, and pain. 

Let me share three ways I have been learning to conquer my grief when it surfaces.  

1. Be a student of grief 

When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself, “Today I want to learn about grief and become better equipped to handle it.” What can you read? What podcast can you listen to? What mentor can share their experience with you? 

Grief is a journey that requires new ideas and insights to conquer. 

2. Be a friend with empathetic people

When you have empathic people in your life, they create a relaxed and trusting atmosphere. When you have that, you can tell your story, have your grief validated, and not feel so alone in your pain. Who is that for you? 

Hang out with them and it will help you to conquer your grief. 

3. Be still and present with your experience

Stillness is the opposite of being preoccupied with a million distractions. Stillness gives you space to make some sense of what you’re thinking and feeling. It helps you be present so you can live and soak up the sounds, smells, sights, and impressions of each moment. 

In my stillness, I found in ever gradual ways, my way back to living again. 

Final Thoughts

My hope for you is that when you need to grieve a loss, you will side with the voice that says, “Please work on your grief in order to end it. Remember, if you simply distract it or avoid it, it will reappear when you least expect it.” 

 What has been your experience with grief avoidance?

For more insights on how to grieve well, check out our online course:
Discover How to Live Again After Loss